Baphomet stared in consternation at the strange creature sitting before her.
“What ARE you?” She sneered in disgust.
“I am a Good Boy!” Woofed the creature, wriggling excitedly.
“A Good Boy ? You’re a “Good Boy”? That’s not a thing.” She muttered, lip still curled. “Well, whatever you are, you’re disgusting. What do you want?”
“I want… I want the humans to love me ! And to always be a Good Boy! And to go for walks and get tummy scratches! And to eat! And to-”
Baphomet held up a paw to stop him.
“I see. Well, I can help you with that. I’ll tell you what to do to get everything you want, but then you must always do what I say, or I will tell the humans that you are NOT a Good Boy. I will tell them that you are, in fact, a Naughty Boy. They listen to me. And if you do what I say, but they are not happy, and do not give you these things, that means you are doing it wrong, and must try harder. ”
The Good Boy wrinkled his brow for a second, thinking hard.
“OK!” he agreed. “I will try my best!”
“Good” Baphomet purred, smirking. “First, you need to show the humans how happy you are with your new home. Mark your territory as much as possible, in as many places in the house as you can. ”
“I can do that ! ”
“I’m sure. You also need to show the humans that you will be their best protector. When any creature that is not one of your humans comes near the home, you must make as much loud noise as possible. Whether it is a beetle, another Good Boy, or another human, bark loud and long. Bite them if you need to. Another thing you must do is chew up anything they leave within your reach. They will see this as a gesture of appreciation, as they leave their possessions lying around as gifts for you to play with. ”
“OK ! I will do these things!” Barked the Good Boy, sitting up proudly . “I will make my humans the happiest humans ever! And they will love me and pat me and feed me! And I will tell them it is all thanks to you, my new best friend, for showing me how to be such a Good Boy!”
Baphomet stretched lazily and yawned, needle-sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight.
“Of course. Now run along.The humans will be SO pleased.”
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